*dons newsboy cap* Ladies and gentlemen, the information you are about to receive may shock you, cause you to doubt humanity, run to hug your childhood storybooks in disbelief, or you might be completely indifferent. Either way, you heard it here first--
The photo that supposedly proved the reality of the "Jack and the Beanstalk" story is...
Nothing but a hoax.
You know you've seen copies of it in museums throughout the years. The famed photograph of the ogreish giant pursuing Jack while the young lad flees and tosses the giant a saucy grin. This picture has caused thousands of young children (and perhaps adults as well) to believe in the existence of magic beans, castles in the sky, and poultry that lay golden eggs.
But with the recent discovery, all of those beliefs have crashed to the hard ground as quickly as that infamous beanstalk when Jack chopped it down.
How did this information come to light? Additional photos that reveal the entire scene being orchestrated were recently unearthed from long-forgotten files along with a rusty old harp and a stuffed hen in the bottom of a drawer. After completing a series of legal hoops and complicated logistics as well as spending millions of government money, we bring these shocking photos to you today.
Note: Due to their age, most of these photos were naturally as grainy and hard to see as the one above. But, through the magic of Photoshop, we have completely restored each one.
Just who is this fellow, this "Jack" impostor? As of yet, we have been unable to gain the identity of the young man but, after many professional inspections of this photo, we have concluded that he was anxious or disturbed about something when this particular image was taken.
The young man who posed as the giant...perhaps practicing fierce expressions for the shot in case he was called upon to face the camera. We agree that he receives an O for 'Original.' He is also unidentified, but you will notice that he is not of large proportions. Rather, he is about the size of an average seven year old human being.
We realize that many of you civilians will not recognize the significance of this fact, so we will, as you say, 'spell it out' for you.
The entire photo is merely a distance illusion. The supposed 'giant' simply stood close to the camera while 'Jack' was some distance away. You will notice the photographer's accomplice (look for the young lady in a pink t-shirt) helping set up the shot.
We were originally alarmed at the content of this photo, wondering what 'the giant's' pose could possibly mean. It has since been concluded that he was scratching his ear.
An unused outtake that might have caused people to doubt the truth of the image as there is no mention in the classic story of the giant's shoelaces being untied as he pursued Jack.
(This oversight that can no doubt be attributed to the negligence of the photographer. However, it was remedied by the final image which was made public.)
It was definitely a shocking turn of events...one that will leave people talking for many years to come. While we have not reached a solid conclusion as to why the photographer would do such a thing, several reasons have been discussed. One involved the fact that this photographer might have been using the photograph as a contest entry of some sort, but this idea was immediately discarded. Professionals reason that his/her motive was likely something far more sinister.
Note to Bethany: The last photo is my contest entry. ;)